haha...im having my last laugh

haha..hurt? im so hurt rite nw..just wanna take it cooly though.....never felt like this b4......it hurts like an arrow piercing thru my heart...im nt quite definite bout hw i feel...but i do knw tht im preety badly hurt....im chatting with her nw..she loves ben...expected it..sometimes i realize tht nobody is meant to be perfect..so far i gt everything of my dreams xcept this...so its fair to say tht no one is perfect..all with their own flaws..hey ben, promise me tht i will have in the next life or so..if we have one....gosh.love her so much..still do....haha..laughing while crying nw..yeap..it is strange to find me in tears....gosh..it feels like my heart broke...i knw its hard for her n him to tell me frm the beginning...coz he knws i love her so much..n she knws hw i really love her so much....i gotta stop crying nw...really have to...ohh gosh..i cant stop...shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "she makes me happy..i knw where i'll be..rite by ur side girl....she is the one"...i guess tht wont work anymore...haha...laughing n crying....really am doin it...wow lot of strange stuff happening....gosh i just so freaking love her...nw..who do i look up to..im a jerk thts for sure...its hard to get over it...really hard to get over it....i do love her so so so much...and i just do....i can keep saying this on and on..coz i do...hahha...dear God...why?? thts all i can answer u...WHY? yeah..i preety much get it ...im a jerk..a real stupid jerk...her date of anniversary with him is 21st of may/june..nt sure...but its 21st.....hahaha...tears are flowing like mad nw...oh steph..why?? i do love u so much....just love u frm the very beginning...im nt handsome lah..thts y....i knw guys like me..its so tensed up...gosh love her so much..nw she's in love with my best friend...n tht is something i cant stand..wow...i hope i will take it fine..coz i still am crying over it...sigh..crying..n crying n crying....n here we go again...why???? why?? can anybody answer me pls??? why??? was it wrong to love u...was it wrong to have my heart solely for u...was it wrong to care for u??/ i still love u no matter wat happens...and i am gonna keep my promise...till then...dear mei yen..u are no more mine..i cant call u mine nw...but i love u till the very end of strand of my hair...althouhg i feel like a fool nw...bt i do love u across my heart..love u like every cells frm my body...love u like every DNA is my cells...love u like every matter on earth...love u like every grains of sands....love u like heaven...,love u like the deep ocean...love u like the rainbow n certainly love u the way i always do....crying still nt wearing off...ohh gosh....